when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
