Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
