He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
