I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize