eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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