can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
