I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
