i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
