Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
