Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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