He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
