he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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