You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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