Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
