i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
