I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
