saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
