Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
