I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
