I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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