a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
