Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
