Kiss
Puke
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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