So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
