dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
