You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize