it's like heaven, but drunker
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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