So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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