you didnt know i had herpes?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
