If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
