Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
