well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
