I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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