I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
