whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
