i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
