Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
