I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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