You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
