I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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