My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
