don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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