I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
