Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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