This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
