I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize