just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
