So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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