@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
