; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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