remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
