I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
