I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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