im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sorry about my life...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
