the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
