That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Holy sore nipples Batman
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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