I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
