The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
