Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Duck Duck Cougar?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
