My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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