Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
