So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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