TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
