i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
