Define "chronic" masturbator.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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