he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
