R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
